Well, what would Jack Bauer do?
Well, he'd probably send off for one of these smart bracelets. Michael Meah is selling them out of New York for a bargain-tastic $3 a piece - anyone in the UK should probably order a pair. One to wear, and a spare, just in case you lose the first one in the middle of a battle with commandoes with coiled snake tattoos.
Added bonus: no storyline spoilers. Hurrah!
Apple have got an interesting read on their website about how the set dresser of '24' now uses a digital camera and an iBook to record where props are on the set. Instead of a dodgy old polaroid camera. It looks like Jack's gadgets are starting to spread through into real life.
When the script for a risky new programme called '24' landed on his desk - which at least gave him the guarantee of a few months' work, Sutherland admits he "jumped at the chance. "But," the 36-year-old actor explains with characteristic honesty: "If someone had suggested that I make a TV series 12 years ago, I think I'd have laughed in their face."This time yesterday, I would have laughed in the face of anyone who told me that Marie Warner would turn out to be a baddie, but she is. Anyway, the Evening Standard cover Kiefer Sutherland's life story, basically.
There's only one thing to say about 'Pure 24': get Charlie Brooker back on the show. John Aizlewood, last night's guest, was a decent enough stand-in,m though. He's charming, well-spoken and could come up with theories about the storyline that weren't puerile (hello, Natalie Casey), regurgited nonsense (hello, everyone who 'txts' in to 'Pure 24' and most of the kids on the BBC messageboards) or based on the fact that they've already seen the next few episodes (hello, Tamzin Sylvester).
Whilst I'm on the subject of our favourite - nay, only - televisual '24' discussion hostness, I'm pleased to note that 24weblog.com is currently google's top hit for the search 'Tamzin Sylvester Naked'. And they'll have to invite me onto the show if they want me to discard of that little piece of information, I'm telling you...
A good timely interview with Laura Harris, the actress who plays the newly-bad Marie Warner. Aside from being blonde, there's another trend with '24' actresses:
I'm also beginning to think that the BBC producers are far more clever than I've previously given them credit for. Sod all this talk about Lynne 'boring' Kresge being a mole on Palmer's staff, but I'm beginning to think that the BBC are planting moles in the 'Pure 24' audience. After all, there's my two friends who have disappeared and I'm starting to realise that there's only ever been about five people in the audience that have ever been invited to share their views. I think the BBC are planting them, and then in the last episode of 'Pure 24', the moles will be revealed and the viewers at home will be expected to go 'oh, phew, and I never noticed, how clever', but hopefully, with my help, we can point this out to as many people as possible and blow their plans.They're 'all' Canadian - well, at least Elisha Cuthbert (Kim) and Leslie Hope (Teri Bauer) are.
None of them use their '24' voices in real life - Sarah Wynter (Kate) has a pretty broad Australian accent, whilst Laura Harris (Marie) and Sarah Clarke (Nina) have the most Hollywood accents imaginable - well done to them for being able to turn them off when acting.
Err, that's it - A pretty weak bunch of links, really.
In a shocking turn of events, it'll probably turn out that all the phone-in callers were voiced by the same man who was the voice of Marvin The Martian in all those Bugs Bunny cartoons. Now that would be a double bluff.
Last night's edition of '24', in which President Palmer's former wife Sherry and Marie Warner both showed their true, treacherous colours, was watched by 2.5 million viewers from 10PM.The Guardian reveals that '24' is watched by only 800,000 less viewers than horrible, bland, mainstream tosh 'Reborn In The USA'.
Well, fuck me. Marie really was too stupid not to be a baddie.
Sorry to be so blunt, BUT IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT THE WIMP WHINING BARBIE TWIN TURNS OUT TO BE A BADDIE.
Phew. Is there anything else to say about this episode? Hands up how many of you were expecting that? On the life of my sainted Aunt, I wasn't. I had the structure of a carefully-word exposé (you know, nothing like the rambling nonsense this site normally gets updates with) which would have fingered Bob Warner as the suspect once and for all. I mean, it couldn't be Reza as the bad guy, could it? Not if he's off helping CTU with their enquiries? NOT WHEN HE GETS SHOT IN THE HEART, you know-it-all nincompoop.
And that's shot in the heart literally AND figuratively, symbolism fans.
So, the unexpected question I find myself asking this week is 'Could Marie Warner turn out to be the best baddie the show has yet seen?' Well, maybe. If she can hide her criminal alter-ego from Reza for two years, she has to be pretty shit hot. Much like, say, Nina Myers in the last series. Only, the conversion between goodie and baddie isn't quite so shocking because Marie, unlike Nina, doesn't carry the same kind of baggage. Nina had 22 and three-quarter episodes to impress her goodieness upon us, she had sexual history with both Jack and Tony and she'd done the dirty by admitting her affair with Jack to Teri Bauer.
Marie, on the other hand, has cried a few tears and nearly got married to to a character who, let's face it, was just set up as too suspicious to be of any real harm. But all credit to her. She's a mega bitch, and we get to see her acting it out for as long as possible. My predictions for her lasting through to the end of the series have shot right down like a badly animated CGI plane, though. I get the feeling that she's going to get in over her head a whole lot deeper than she meant to, though. Does she know that she's meant to be blowing up her father? Given her penchance for SHOOTING HER LOVED ONES THROUGH THE HEART, I doubt she cares.
I don't really fully understand that storyline yet, but I'm sure it becomes clearer soon.
Still, in other news:
Miguel and Kate discover 'fire' in the back of a van. Unfortunately, when Miguel breaks his leg in the resulting crash, they can't discover the power of 'wood' for a 'splint'. Sadly, it looks like actor Innis Casey must wave goodbye to his acting career. George Mason feels the affects of the smell of plutonium in the morning, and starts going mad. Either that or he's turing into a hippy. Tony also goes mad and accepts a date with the door-stop book-end Michelle Dessler. I'm guessing that she won't last until the end of the series. There's a well known and well used movie plot device that a couple must have sex before the lady partner cops it, so maybe '24' will be up for a quick knee-trembler sometime in the next fourteen hours. It wouldn't be realistice without at least one couple going at it just as they think all hope is lost and the bomb's about to go off. Kate Warner is lucky to be kept prisoner by the most rubbish torturer ever. He had at least 15 minutes alone with her, and all he could manage was to pierce her ear. Maybe he was planning to get her talk by implanting some dreadfully tacky '80s style earrings and making her wear them for the rest of her natural life. Also: keyword 'prayer'. As soon as Kate told Jack that her family had lived in Saudi Arabia, I knew she'd understood at least a part of Syed Ali's conversation with the ear piercer. And, by some weird twist of fate, that 'prayer' would play a big part of it. As for Kate herself, she might have been hated just as much as her jackass sister, but you can't really be annoyed with someone who's just watched a man die. And, besides, Jack seems to like her (now that he's finally met her) and his word is gospel, frankly. Since the time in Los Angeles is now 7:00PM, it'll be getting dark in the next episode. Which it why it was damn clever of the producers to keep the on-screen action inside and away from windows during the last five minutes of tonight's show. Hopefully the continuity will be a damn sight better the the same effect last year. For those who didn't watch the last series, it went from perfect sunny daylight to the black of night in about two minutes. Yes, really. President Palmer knows that Roger Stanton has been using a communications channel called OPCOM that was set up by the CIA. Bob Warner is apparently a CIA stooge. Anyone else put two and two together? I figure that just because Marie's a baddie and Reza's dead, Bob doesn't get off the hook. He's in on it somewhere, and probably a hell of a lot more involved than you'd immediately think.
Remember that we told you that '24' won't be broadcast next weekend because of the fucking snooker? Well, 24weblog.com reader Alison wrote to the controller of BBC2... and got a reply.
Jane Root, the mad woman at the BBC who we're holding responsible for this mess, wrote:
Drives me mad too... but sports contracts signed many years ago have legal standing, I'm afraid and there ain't anything I can do...Now that's a good excuse, actually. Better than the weak ones people normally come up with in this type of situation.
UPDATE: Wait a minute - she says "I'm afraid and there ain't anything I can do" - afraid? Does she think a bunch of crazed rabid '24' fans are going to break into the kitchen and stab her wildly with knives? I mean, we might, if the BBC continues to fuck about with the schedules like this. I'm joking, of course. Maybe. HA HA HA HA HA HA...
"Those of you not versed in the brilliance that is '24' might think all this sounds at best a tad unrealistic, at worst just plain daft, but that is precisely the programme's charm. Suspend belief for forty minutes a week and you'll find the adventures of Jack, Kim and company a great deal more absorbing and exciting than whatever "bleak" and "gritty" British drama is being shown on the other side. '24', much like 'Twin Peaks' and 'The X-Files' (before it got silly) before it credits viewers with both a sense of humour and a healthy sense of the absurd, as well as an imagination and the ability to keep track of literally dozens of loose ends."Yer favourite posho rag-mag The Oxford Student intellectualises '24' to such a degree that I can't even understand what they're on about. I'm clueless when it comes to long words and such, you see. However, I will celebrate their support for the series by cheering on their team in next year's boat race, and I'll drop the odd "tally ho, eh?" and "joshing good fun, old feller" next time I speak to my "Mah" and "Pah". Or something.
24weblog.com just got listed on the Yahoo page for '24' websites. I wouldn't go clicking around there too deeply, though - since they are mainly American sites, with all nasty spoilers for future episodes. Like how, in the end, it all turns out that this one time, at band camp, President Palmer stuck a flute up his bum.
This site is a good one, though. Plenty of plotlines, but fortunately they're all made up.
Weblogger Nick Barlow reckons that '24' is just a 21st century version of Captain Scarlet.
They're under starter's orders... and they're off again.
It'd be more fitting that we use a golfing cliche, since that's what the BBC deemed valid to show us last week, instead of our '24' fix. At least Jimmy Tarbuck didn't turn up for a round in aid of starving kids, or something. Kate Warner could do with a good feed, though. Maybe her and Marie can stuff themselves full of wedding cake.
Surprise of the week? Jack and Nina not crashing. Well, duh. I think even 'Sex In The City' viewers could have guessed that one. It was nice that they were met by some nice friendly militia men. And, if I was confronted by men with big guns, I wouldn't go handing my ammo to my mortal nemesis who killed my wife. Silly ol' Jack. And I'm not even a top-ranking CTU agent. Sheesh, eh?
It was probably just a chance for Jack to be showing being stupid for one last time. I think he's beginning to get his head screwed on right by now. No more curling up all foetal-like and daydreaming about his family, you've got a city to save from a bomb.
And whilst I'm talking about his family. Kim - is she stupid or what? She spent most of episode telling Miguel that her dad's going to come and save them. And she just listened in on a phone call during which Jack's plane is crashing. Did she seem the slightest bit concerned? Not at all. This is where I'll tell the continuity people to pretend that 'she must have been cut off during the aircraft's free-fall'. Oh. Yes. That must be right. Yes.
Doh!
Bob Warner gets sold out by Reza. I'm in two minds about this pair. There's no way Reza can be a baddie - he's been set up as one, and he's too obvious - and Bob seems in the clear - everyone at CTU, and Kate, Marie and Reza seem to be convinced that he couldn't possibly have anything to do with the bomb plot. He thinks he's involved with the CIA, but whoever signed him up is probably in charge of the militia men, or the 'patriots', or the sinister Government agency behind the entire X-files and the rest of the conspiracy.
And for those wondering, Michelle brings up some lovely satellite pictures of the missile streaking towards the badly-drawn CGI plane. Now why didn't she trace those photos back a few seconds/minutes and find out where the missile came from? Another plane? A unit on the ground? Who knows? I figure that it was the militia men with big guns who did it. After all, those guns that they were carrying looked like they could shoot down satellites, let alone badly-drawn CGI planes.
And yet they let that tiny helicopter slaughter them all. Stupid dumb militia men. Obviously they all failed the KKK's intelligence entry test.
Kate Warner wakes up at Syed Ali's house. You can tell that it's the home of an Arab terrorist, because it's kitted out with a whole bunch of lovely middle-eastern rugs. I figure that'll be the turning point that proves that the sinster Government agency and the patriots are wrapped around Second Wave's middle finger. As for the private investigator Kate got kidnapped with, I think he could probably use another middle finger right now. His original one has probably been hacksawed off and put somewhere unpleasant. Whatever happened to Jack's hacksaw? I wouldn't be surprised if it's at the centre of the sinister terrorist conspiracy militia agency's plot.
I bet you can defuse a nuke with a hacksaw. Now wouldn't that be ironic - giving away the finale plot in the first episode. Maybe Jack Bauer is just one big post-modern hero.
But as to how Jack gets away without Nina blowing his balls off with that big militia man's big gun? I have no idea how he'll do it, but I bet he will. Unless they stay stuck in the forest with a target pointed at his arse for the next 14 hours. I won't be surprised to see Nina take a non-lethal bullet, though. Maybe Jack'll get his hacksaw out.
Once and for all, this proves that evil turn-coat Nina Myers does have links to the regime of an evil middle-eastern country. Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Iraqi Information Minister, of welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com fame, has stood up for the prisoner, who has turn-coated again and is currently helping Jack Bauer with his enquiries.
Al-Sahaf says that she's not a traitor to the American people by helping to plant a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles. See his amazing statement video by visiting his website.
There's rumours that the BBC won't be showing '24' - again - in a fortnight's time. The World Championship Snooker final is scheduled for Sunday 4th May. If you'd like to complain about this terrible decision to clear a fine TV show off the screens to make way for an uninteresting minority sport, then send a polite email to either Jane Root, the controller of BBC2, or Stuart Murphy, the head of BBC3.
If the delays and cancelled scheduling carries on at this rate, this current series will finish in October 2004, with series three due to start sometime before 2010. I'd buy the DVDs if I were you.
I'd stay away from the BBC's official messageboards at the moment if I were you. There's a bunch of lunatics/small children/American viewers who seem to think that posting crucial plotline developments is really funny. I haven't seen any myself, but it's put me off bothering to read through the site. It's not like there's much of interest on there, any way. The take24.co.uk forums and uk.media.tv.twenty-four are much better places to go for '24' chat and discussion. Hell, the 24weblog.com forum might be quiet, but at least you won't find out that Jack is really Nina's father, and that he felt her presents. Or something.
Alternatively, I find that the best place to talk about '24' is with your mates down the pub. Monday nights works best for me. Are such establishments even open on an Easter Monday? I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Xander Berkeley, if you're out there - the drinks are on me. Mason looks like he could need a drop of booze. It'll probably kill him, though.
'24' is back on your screens in two hours time. I have no idea how I managed to go cold turkey without it for a whole fortnight.
Just how will they get off that plane? What is this week's cliffhanger going to be? What do you reckon of the series so far, then? And what did you do last week? I didn't watch the fucking golf, if that's what your thinking. Your thoughts here, please.
Remember the sitcom Seinfeld? Well, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who played Elaine in that, now has her own sitcom, 'Watching Ellie'. And the first season of it copied '24' with the split screen and ticking clock. It got stuffed in the ratings, so the real-time aspect got dropped. Hard to imagine that this could have been '24's fate only nine months ago.
There's even an Elisha Cuthbert weblog now for all you Kim Bauer fans. Not a lot of news in that, you might think, but it does reveal that her favourite band is The Barenaked Ladies and that she's going to star as a porn star in an up 'n' coming movie.
Somebody emailed me about this. It's some weird flash animation of a Jack Bauer doll. It's one of the quite scariest things I've ever seen. I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
Can anyone out there explain? It's part of the Myumee doll phenomenon (warning: dodgy Madonna midi file embedded in that page), whatever that is.
I think Channel 5 (sorry, 'five', ahem) have been doing some witty scheduling.
The last episode of '24' on BBC2 saw Jack Bauer and Nina Myers hurtling to their (pretty much undefinite, for sure) doom in a downed government airplane.
Last night on 'five' saw the film 'Air Force One', where Xander Berkeley - George Mason to you and me - and the bloke who played Eric Raeburn (Timothy Carhart) hurtled to their doom in a downed government airplane.
The special effects in 'Air Force One', though almost six years old, were still better than the loo roll tube and papier mache effort used in '24'.
Getting withdrawal from '24'? Like George Mason, do you only have a matters of hours to live? Well, here's some preview clips of the next episode from the BBC site.
"The BBC are notorious for it. In fact they do it with BBC2 the most, because BBC2 is supposed to be their "alternative" schedule tool. Its like saying, "Ok, BBC1 is for the biddies and BBC2 is our version of Channel 4"Two weblogs, Darkside/Lightside and Choz, go off on one about '24' being off the air for a fortnight.
Gah. The telly died on Sunday afternoon.
Luckily, in true special agent fashion, I managed to have a spare secured by the time came to watch '24'. And through a special mix of scart cables, I even managed to have two rigged up, true split screen style for a while.
The terrorists had a little argument whilst driving the bomb around LA. The kind of argument where two of them ended up dead, and the clueless (and gunless) third man ended up alone with the bomb. It would have been excellent if he'd had run off, leaving the van where it is. I could just imagine Jack and Mason running around for the next twelve hours, while the nuke's parked in some back street, getting a whole bunch of parking tickets. It'd probably end up getting towed by midnight.
Kim told a copper that there's a bomb set to explode. I feel that a law-abiding policeman isn't the one to go around spreading mass panic, so I fear that dimension of the storyline might hold off for a bit. The mass unauthorised evacuation of nine million people is something I'm looking forward to. I hope the public get scared and run wild in the streets. I just want to see how it's portrayed on screen, and also how much it ends up interfering with CTU's attempts to save the city. I can imagine crazed and panicked proles might smack Tony whilst trying to steal his car, or something.
Worst things about this episode? The lack of Gary Matheson. I'm beginning to miss the wife-beater, and he's only been gone for about 40 minutes. He was a bit unrelenting, like the Terminator, but now he seems to have relented. Can't imagine he'll spend the rest of the series lying face down in a hospital car park, though. Maybe Megan will blab that Daddy had plans to take her off to Mexico, and whoever she tells will put two and two together, and link murdering Daddy with the terrorist plot...
And you must be braindead if you couldn't tell that something was going on during Jack's phonecall from the plane to Kim, when Nina started whispering to Faheen. Considering I thought she had a box of matches up her sleeve, I thought they were going to explode the plane somehow. I was miffed when she 'only' slit his throat. Then, just as I thought Jack's feet might actually come back to Earth safely, it all went a bit 'Final Destination'. Actually, it reminded me more of the plane crash scene in 'Fight Club', thinking about it. Maybe Jack is Syed Ali? Nah, that'd be silly.
Not as silly as Jack and Nina being able to walk away from a plane crash. I can't see how this is going to work.
As we all now know, '24' isn't being shown on either BBC2 or BBC3 next week, because of the US Masters golf tournament. I recommend that, at some point over the next fortnight, any BBC2 viewers go out and get either cable, satellite or Freeview. It's worth it. The episodes are really beginning to demand your respect. Splash out on a decent telly to watch it all on, too.
"So, how's this for a conspiracy theory? The second series of 24 isn't as good as the first because they're not making it up as they go along. The urgency has dissippated, the pace slackened. And Kiefer Sutherland has got himself a producer credit. We call this David Duchovny Syndrome. It's terminal."Gareth McLean in The Guardian has the guts to say what I just can't put into words. Maybe season two isn't as good? Well, no. It was never going to live up to kicks like Teri Bauer finding out she wasn't really with Alan Yorke, like Jack Bauer slipping on an ear piece and heading off to assassinate the senator, like Victor Drazen shooting dead his friend's daughter at point blank range.
There's a reason why season two doesn't have the same kick. It's not dark yet. The most interesting episodes always happen under the cover of darkness. I think the audience has been disorientated by the 8AM start - we were expecting a bang, rather than the slow build that has so far happening. If you've watched all the episodes so far in sequence, you can feel the tension mounting. And hopefully when night falls, the plot will get notched up several gears. You can be so much more sneaky in the dark, after all.
Someone on the take24.co.uk forums has noticed the similarities between '24' and Aussie soap 'Neighbours'.
I was watching ultra-crap Morgan Freeman 'thriller' 'Along Came A Spider' last night. It's bollocks. It's got the kidnap of a small blonde child called 'Megan' in it, and the sexy lady co-star is a goodie right until the end, whereupon she becomes a baddie. I could never watch anything with plot devices as crap as that.
No, seriously. It was released in 2001, so it could have provided an inspiration for the '24' writers. I would direct you to the film's official site, alongcameaspidermovie.com, but it's probably been turned into a porn site by now.
"The original idea was for Reza to be smoother and more swarthy, but when I realised where the character was going, I wanted to play him like a regular Joe. I decided Reza had been to university in London, before taking up a job in the States. His look is very J Crew, lots of beige pants, cashmere and suede. Of course, Reza is a traditional Middle Eastern gentleman with traditional values - although we never disclose the country that Reza is from - he can't quite cope with his girlfriend's sexual past."Huzzah! Marie's a slut. I'm hoping it'll turn out that way. Maybe she's been sleeping with one of the terrorists?
Reza Naiyeer, AKA actor Philip Rhys, was interviewed in The Independent newspaper on Saturday. Thanks to Adam for alerting me to that one, and for scanning in the article.
From the photo included, it looks like the curse of the '24' beard has struck again. However, the best news is that Philip has made a new TV series, co-starring alongside one-time '24' actor Dennis Hopper. I'm looking forward to that one.
Here's some links to an interview with Kiefer Sutherland about his role in 'Phone Booth'. Unfortunately, you have to sit through four minutes of garbled, un-understandable nonsense from Colin Farrell first, but, you know, this is the internet. It's bound to be shit sometimes.
There's also the trailer in the video as well, so at least you get to see some of the film's fancy splitscreen action. I wonder where that idea came from?RealOne, broadband RealOne, 56k Windows Media, broadband
Windows Media 56k
"Sutherland projects the proper menace in his voiceover role, although 24 fans may imagine an alternative scenario in which CTU has located a terrorist in New York and sent Jack Bauer to take him out."The Dallas Voice reviews Kiefer's role in 'Phone Booth'. I'm waiting for a English review that asks why the film hasn't been renamed 'Phone BOX' for the UK.
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